


All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

by godamnarmsrace



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Post court case, Rhona and Aaron have a chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 14:03:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godamnarmsrace/pseuds/godamnarmsrace
Summary: "I'm sorry," Rhona said, brushing tears from off her cheeks. She tried to smile but failed, "You're back, that's good, Paddy's been worried about you.""I'm fine," Aaron said, the lie a well-used one."Sure, me too," Rhona said, this time the smile stayed if only for a moment.





	All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by the lovely [@blueswinseverytime](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluewinseverytime/pseuds/Bluewinseverytime) thanks Matty darling. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Written for the lovely Nonnie who asked:  
> Hello! I love your little ficlets, they're so lovely! Would you be able to write a scene between Aaron and Rhona? I've seen a few posts around about Aaron being the only one who might understand with the dynamic between her and Pierce, and him and G*rdon and I would love to see something after it comes out, them having a chat or something? Please and thank you. :)

Aaron had expected the first person he'd see when he returned from Ireland would be Robert but it was Rhona he ran into first. Like literally ran into. He'd decided to go for a quick run, to shake off the stiffness from travelling and he wasn't paying attention. His head was too full of Robert and the baby and the fact that he was still in love with Robert and he didn't know what to do about it. He didn't see Rhona until, he'd ran into her, his hands quick to grab and steady her.

"I'm sorry," Rhona said, brushing tears from off her cheeks. She tried to smile but failed, "You're back, that's good, Paddy's been worried about you."

"I'm fine," Aaron said, the lie a well-used one.

"Sure, me too," Rhona said, this time the smile stayed if only for a moment.

Aaron really looked at her, stepped outside his own pain for a moment a saw the woman standing in front of him. He didn't know what to say, he knew he needed to say something to her but he also knew whatever he had to say wasn't going to help. It wouldn't take the past away, it wouldn't erase the horror she'd been through with Pierce and it didn't matter that he knew how she felt. She would be alone in this and it would follow her if she let it.

"It's a small village, I heard about the court case," he settled on after a little bit of thought.

"He got five years," she said with a shrug of her shoulders, reminding him he was still holding onto her arms. He went to let go but she wrapped her arms around him in a hug and he let her even though it made his skin crawl to be confined in such a way. A leftover parting gift of his own from Gordon. Only Robert's touch had ever felt one hundred percent safe to him and even that was now tainted, Gordon's firm hold on him bleeding into every part of his life.

"How are you about it all?" Aaron asked, he knew that a guilty verdict didn't cure the scars left behind. No those dug deep and bored into your very self until you were so buried in the memory of it, it outweighed ever other good thing in your life.

"It's more than most people get. I should be happy. I should feel safe that he's in prison, but all I can think about is how in five years he'll be out and then what? What is to stop him from coming after me, after Leo? Everyone thinks it's over now, but I feel like I still can't breathe, like he's standing on my chest, like he's still holding me down and I don't know how to stop it!" Rhona sagged in his arms and it was all he could do to hold her up.

"I think for some people it helps, but for others we do it because our family needs the court case or because it is the right thing to do. It didn't help me either. After, I still felt the same, still felt ashamed and dirty and broken. I tried to talk to Robert about it but everyone was so happy for me. I just couldn't let them down anymore. I let the feelings bury me Rhona and now look where I am, my life is falling apart and I don't know how or if I want to fix it," Aaron held her so that he could look at her face, it was suddenly so important to him that she hear his words.

"Don't let it bury you Rhona. If you can't talk to friends or family, find someone else. Don't be like me, I swallowed it down so deep and now it colours all my choices and my self-worth. I'm so damn angry all the time, at myself, at Gordon and at everyone in my life I've ever cared about. Robert got the brunt of it. Doomed to fail me before he even tried because it was never going to be enough I was always expecting him to fuck up and hurt me is it any wonder that he did? There's only so many times you can tell someone they're a fuck up before they start believing you. Not that he isn't without fault but I haven't exactly made it easy for him to love me and yet I know he does, deep down inside where the pain and voices don't reach I know he loves me more than anything but I am afraid."

"Oh Aaron, I wish I knew what to say," Rhona said, cupping his face, tears filling her eyes again.

"There isn't anything to say, no magical words to make it go away but we have to try, right? Just promise me you'll actually try not just pretend everything is fine because eventually you'll end up where I am pushing everyone away, when you need them the most," Aaron let her touch him, even though he wanted to shrug off her hold on him.

"I promise, I mean I have to, don't I? I guess in some ways I'm lucky being a mother I don't have a choice I have to be okay for Leo's sake, he needs me and I can't let him down. So, I'll go and I'll talk to someone, do everything I can to make it okay but Pierce is still going to be out there in the world and I don't know if I'll ever be able to deal with that," Rhona took a step back and seemed to pull herself up in front of his eye's and Aaron admired her for that even as he feared for her.

Aaron made a face, "Gordon is dead but he's still in here," he said, pointing to his head. "If you can get Pierce out of your head and your heart, then I think you'll be okay. The law can take care of the rest and well it's safe here in Emmerdale isn't it, part of the beauty of everyone knowing your business is that, he would never get near you again we wouldn't let him."

"You are not your father's son, you are your own man and I've seen you with Leo and with Liv. You have so much love inside you Aaron. I know you love Robert and I know he hurt you but you told Paddy he made you happy. If he makes you feel safe and happy, maybe you just need to give yourself some time. Before...what happened with Pierce, I might have had different advice but happiness is hard to come by, as is safety. The kind that you feel all the way to your bones and well, I'm here for you Aaron if you need to talk. Maybe, it would help us both to get together and just check on each other every now and then. Before things get too much," Rhona picked up his hand and ran her finger over where Aaron's wedding ring rested only a couple of weeks ago. "My husband turned out to be a monster. I think yours just might be an idiot without you. I had one of those once and I wish I’d never let him go, I'm just saying," she leant forward and brushed a soft kiss on his cheek. "You're a good kind man Aaron Dingle. I hope you will be happy again soon."


End file.
